I think the title of this can explain it all- I finally received my audition letter. Do I even need to say what the answer was? I wasn’t going to say it anyway, it’s kind of self-explanatory.
I’m not upset, I’m not going to cry because I didn’t get accepted- it’s not worth my tears. Trust me, I got plenty of more things to cry about than a rejection letter. I tried the best I could in that audition, I truly gave it everything I had in me. Maybe there was more I could have done or maybe a little more practice would have made it better- NO. I practiced everyday until that audition, I lost my voice ten minutes after my audition, I was extremely sick and I didn’t second guess myself for one second. I went in with an open-mind that I didn’t have last time, I went in with material I was comfortable singing and characters that put me back to my own personal experiences. I’m still not what they’re looking for or want and that’s just the way life goes!! There will be casting directors who will want you and you’ll always be their go-to actor if they need you, but then there will be casting directors who won’t cast you show after show just because you’re not what they need. I’m okay with that- if someone doesn’t want me for a role, life goes on! You take me for what I am, not what you want me to be.
I have nothing to regret. I don’t regret anything I did or didn’t do because it happened; I can’t rewind the past, change my audition material and perform differently in that room. Yes, it hurts a little bit. I’m going to have to face the department that rejected me twice, but I’m not going to isolate myself from the world or be depressed. Hell no- I’m going to walk through RAC with my head held high because I refuse to let this “rejection” define me. That letter sitting in the recycling bin does not define me, my talent or my future in theatre. After college, we are all equal when it comes to auditioning. There are no favorites, they don’t care what you studied or what you’re best at. They want to find people who can fit their roles they need to fill and if you’re going to be a person they’d want to work with. 9/10 times you’ll be auditioning in front of people who don’t know you unless you get higher up into the business. There are no second 1st impressions in this profession.
The only thing I am scared about is seeing my audition comments all over again. Oh if I cry again from that comment sheet, help me Jesus… I’m more scared to see that it will say I haven’t made any change since the first time I auditioned to the second time I auditioned. That’s what I am scared about. Regardless, I’m asking for to see my audition sheet. Why? If I see an ounce of change whether it be dancing, acting or singing- auditioning will be worth it. Not making it into a program is one thing but seeing that someone else noticed a change will make all the world to me. I mean, I did audition in front of the same person twice… They have to have noticed change! Well, at least that’s what I want to believe.
What does this mean for me? I am still going to be a theatre major with a dual in business management with a minor in music. More power to me because I’ll have a back-up degree if theatre doesn’t work out (which will make my parents happy) and I’ll still be studying what I am so passionate about. Theatre is what I want to do with the rest of my life and not having a Bachelor of Fine Arts is certainly not going to determine my future or change my mind of what I’m going after in my life. I’ve known for five years that this is what I’ve wanted to pursue. I might succeed after college and I might not, but it’s my life. I have to make my own mistakes. I have to try because if I don’t, I’ll never know what could have happened. Like auditioning, I couldn’t wait until my sophomore year to audition because I couldn’t keep asking myself, “What if?”. I wanted to know ASAP and that’s what I did. I auditioned and found out my answer. Was it the answer I wanted? Nope. Will I cry over it? Nope. My life continues as a Bachelor of Art in this department- I’m not going anywhere. And you know what? I am thrilled.
Dedicated to my friends who also re-auditioned: You’re talented, you’re beautiful and you will go far. There is no doubt in my mind that you’ll make it somewhere. “No dreamer is ever too small; no dream is ever too big.” Anonymous
“Success always occurs in private and failure in full public view.” -Anonymous
Zoe Dimitra Kiriazis
