TADA! SUNY Fredonia Theatre and Dance

As I was on Facebook one day, a friend of mine (Shelby) posted this article called “Things I wish I had Been Told in Theatre School” and some of the points made seemed extremely obvious; some of them too obvious.  The points made in this article are extremely eye opening- some of them I was excited to see because I’ve believed the same exact things from the moment I got into theatre.  I don’t know if it’s because I’m always on the outside looking in or I take everything in as it’s said, but the reality of this article made me want to write about it from my point of view- three points stuck out to me as most important.

“No matter how big of a star you were in school, out here, you are just a part of a team.  So act like it.  And give credit where credit is due at every opportunity”.

There is a huge difference between talking about yourself, bragging and then just being a flat out broken record.  I get it- you’ve worked with A, B, C and have been in X, Y and Z, but hearing everything over and over can just get boring after awhile.  It’s not like I don’t enjoy hearing stories of other people, I really do.  There comes a point where you say what you’ve done and then move on with the conversation.  What you’ve done does not define you- saying what you’ve been in or who you’ve worked with might help you get the job as your references, but bragging about your references will definitely not.  You’re throwing information down someone’s throat that they have probably heard about 300 times from 300 different people.  You’re not the first and you’re certainly not the last to work with an actor, director, choreographer, show etc..  I think the hardest thing for actors is to not only market themselves as a “product” of talent, but actor’s also market themselves as a person.  The thing to remember is that these directors, who happen to be hiring you for a show are people- they’re looking for an overall good person to fill the role and be a great person to work with.  If you’re a horrible person with a bad attitude, who is always late and terrible work ethnic; that will definitely shine more than anything good someone’s done.  Everyone remembers the bad times more than the good- that’s just a fact of life.  And the more you brag about what you’ve done will make you a broken record, and I don’t know about you, but I hate the sound of a broken record.

“‘Stealing the show’ is not a compliment.  The ensemble is more important than your ‘moments’”

The ensemble is the foundation of any large musical or play- for everyone lead in a show there are about, I would say, three people in the ensemble.  If you have six leads, there would be roughly 18 people in the ensemble, give or take.  Whenever you watch a show, you mostly pay attention to the leads and supporting characters.  When you see the ensemble you notice what they’re doing for the time being, but you’re not entirely focused on what they’re doing after they leave the stage.  Audience members are more drawn in on the main characters, it’s just a known fact.  I love seeing shows where the ensemble grabs my attention when they’re on stage and make their own spotlight rather than the leads.  Some people would say that’s “stealing the scene”, I call it a show.  It’s suppose to be life, whether it’s in a far off land like Oz, party scene in Romeo and Juliet or a party at a college frat house- the ensemble sets the mood for a large scene.  Another big point about the ensemble; they’re usually where the triple threats are found- those performers can sing, act AND dance.  Don’t get me wrong, there are leading performers who can do all three, but those performers usually can only do two out of the three.  Great performers know how to be a great leading role, but always know how to give the right amount of energy into the ensemble.  Like in the song “One” from A Chorus Line, the ensemble are just blank faces in the crowd- which is sad because they’re the ones putting in the most amount of work.

“You are replaceable”.

Sorry, but it’s true.  In the real world, you’re up against thousands upon thousands of people for one show you’re auditioning for wanting the same role as you; not 10-15 people in a college theatre department.  Actors vary on interpretation, but what roles you can realistically play are the same in one type.  If you get cast in a show and somehow get fired, there will be a line of performers waiting to take your spotlight.  Just remember when you get a job that there was that one person who was just as good as you during all the rounds of callbacks, but you’re the one who get’s the job. You’re the one they’re giving the chance to. If you’re fired from a job, the person who they were debating about whether to cast you or them in the role can easily get called up and get the job.  Casting directors look for great performers, but also that something that stands a part from another performer- something I can’t even describe.  You’re a little fish swimming with many other little fish in this gigantic pond- there will always be people auditioning for the same exact role as you- casting directors won’t have a problem finding someone else to fill your shoes and their role.

Source: http://callamrodya.com/2013/03/17/things-i-wish-i-had-been-told-in-theatre-school/

Moral of the story: Learn as much as you can without question and be yourself without thought.  Enough opinions for one post? I think so!

“If you want to be somebody, somebody really special, be yourself.” Anonymous 

Zoe

My rejection letter has been stirring up emotions and feelings I’ve been ignoring and everything that I’ve been keeping inside has finally risen to the surface.  I’ve always been the person to brush off rejection; I take it all in then I move on.  I’ve really had no choice, but to suck up rejection like it’s no big deal.  I never give rejection the attention it might deserve because I believe that rejection deserves no sorrow.  In theatre, a person will hear more “No’s” than “Yes’”- I believe you can’t be successful in this profession unless you’ve heard the word “No” a few times.  I don’t want to give this rejection letter sorrow, but the truth is, I’m sad.  Being sad doesn’t change my feelings about what I wrote in “I’m Doing Okay”, but I think this is going to be the one time where I’m really just going to have to give this rejection the sorrow it deserves.  I don’t want to feel sad and hurt, but it’s here for now.  It will eventually go away for good- just like the first time.

What are you feeling now?

Lost. I finally realized that I’m at a crossroad in my life where I need to find myself before I can truly dive in to find the inner actress inside me.  If I can’t find myself as a person, how am I going to find myself as an actress?  These two things really go hand in hand.  I’ve never really thought about these two things since I came to college.  That’s one thing about college and being a theatre major; you’re thrown into this whole new experience and environment where you really have to discover yourself while developing yourself as a performer.  I don’t know if anyone has or have had this problem, but let me tell you first hand- it’s not fun.  On one hand I don’t know where to start, but then on the other hand I have so many thoughts of things I excel at when it comes to me as a person and as an actress.  I don’t want to make another mistake- I’ve been known to make a lot of those.

Auditions for the first two shows of next season- Moon Over Buffalo and School for Scandal- are three weeks after we come back from Spring Break.  I’ve been up and down about whether I should audition or not because I don’t know if I would be right for the shows or I’ll make a fool out of myself- I don’t even know what I’m thinking.  Right now, I am not in the right mind-set and attitude to audition for these shows or anything in general.  I might audition for the One-Acts, but even that is pushing it.  Auditioning would be great practice, both shows are outside my comfort zone and I’d be jumping into two different styles of acting.  Being at this kind of crossroads sucks, more than I want to admit, but I need to think about myself first.  I know, I have to audition to get the job and put myself out there, but I’m not afraid to say no; let me regret it later (if I do), but right now I don’t.  As much as I would love to audition for these shows, I can’t do it right now.  However, just because I’m not auditioning for these two shows doesn’t mean the other two shows of the season won’t see my face in their audition rooms in the fall.  By then, hopefully, I’ll be in a better state of mind/being and maybe a tad skinnier?

Has anything positive happened since the rejection letter?

Along with the journey of being a busy theatre major, I’ve taken on the challenge of losing weight to not only better my health, but my future in this business.  There are only a few of my type in the business who have made it, screen and stage; there aren’t a lot of us.  I want to know that I didn’t get a part for talent purposes, not because of my size.  A first impression is everything in this business and size alone can be a turn off to a casting director very quickly.  People are quick to assume that those of a larger size can’t do most things that this business demands, especially when it comes to dance.  My size does not determine my dance ability, I just can’t dance for the life of me.  I know I’m fat.  I don’t need anyone, let alone a casting director, tell me that.  But let me be the first to say it and you can quote me, I plan on losing enough weight so when I walk out of college and audition in the real world, casting directors would never have guess I was fat.  16 pounds and 7 inches is the beginning- I’m still rough around the edges, but this is just the start!!

The biggest positive that has came out from re-auditioning so far has been my mom’s surprising reaction of saying that she supports me.  My mom, the biggest realist I know, supports me and my desire to go after professional stage acting.  I’ll be honest, I never thought she would say those words in a million years.  She still has her realist views about my dream, but she understands that it’s my life and my mistakes.  I’m so thrilled that she is on board in this whole journey I plan on having.  Now, how do I know she’s on board 110%?  I was talking about auditioning for summer-stock theatres next year and she was thrilled; she actually asked what summer-stock was and all those details.  That’s when I knew she was truly there for me.  I don’t know what made her turn around with this sudden support, but I don’t care! I have it and I refuse to let the support I need slip out of my hands.  I’ll take it for what it is, but gaining the support from my mom makes re-auditioning completely worth it.

I know I’ve been writing a lot on here, but I’ve just been gaining ideas and inspiration that I just have to share!  Just a post to give an update on the after thoughts/feelings/happenings since my rejection letter.  Trust me, there will be another one soon when I go talk to a few professors and see my comment sheet in a few weeks.  Don’t you worry!

“In order to succeed, you must first be willing to fail.”-Anonymous

Zoe

Fears.

Yes- fears.  Everyone has them; it just all depends on whether we accept these fears the way they are or fight through them knowing that the best and worst can happen.  I’ll be honest, I hate my fears; they’re most likely what everyone’s fear are, especially in this profession.  Sadly, I’ve developed these fears way before I thought about theatre/acting etc. as a potential career.  I didn’t choose to fear what I fear; these came from experiences in my past.  I only have three main fears- besides snakes and the Fly Gallery- that I’m slowly learning to deal with.  These aren’t new, they’ve been in existence for the last seven years. Eventually I’ll accept these fears in my life one step at a time, but for now they are here for as long as they need to be.

1. Never being “good enough”:  I’m not scared of rejection, criticism or working hard for what I want.  I’m terrified that I’m always going to make the same mistake over and over again- never changing, not understanding the mistakes I make and never being the actress someone wants. Let’s be honest, for one person in my type/size, there are 200 girls are also in the same type, but thinner who are the ones who usually get the job.  I’m not trying to put myself down about reality, but how often do you see someone who is my size on: Broadway? Regional Theatres? National Tours?  Last time I checked, there were maybe a handful and that was even pushing it.  Granted, I’m working on losing weight and have already lost 7 inches since the beginning of the semester!  I’ve only begun that hard road of weight lost, but I’m making changes to better my career one step at a time. There is still this constant doubt that maybe it’s me.  Maybe my talent, looks, size, skills, attitude and personality will never be what a casting director will want.  I don’t want to carry this attitude on my shoulder, but it’s easier said than done.

2. Believe Everything I Hear: Let me explain this one in a nutshell.  When I was younger, between the ages 8-14, I was severely bullied.  I was harassed, had rumors spread about me, I was the target of the school, I was cyber-bullied, I was called every name known to man and the list goes on beyond imaginable. I’ve accepted everything that has happened to me and I climbed the biggest mountain to get to the confidence and attitude I have today.  I’m not looking for sympathy when I say this, it’s a background story for where my fear comes from.  I can’t forget what was said to me or what happened to me even to this day.  I hear voices in my head, with the words that shake me just thinking about them. “You’re nothing”, “You’re going to be a failure”, “Keep growing into the house you already are”. Yes, these are only a couple things I was called.  Yes, sometimes these words make me think.  No, I don’t want to believe any of this.  These thoughts will come and go; I literally have no control when this happens.  Sometimes, I’ll have one of those days where these past thoughts come from out of no where and I believe it all and no one can change my mind on how I feel.  Then some days I forget anything bad has ever happened and laugh at the thought that I ever did believe what people said about me.  I don’t understand it… I hope one day I’ll be able to laugh at everything/anything that was ever said to me and learn to not care as much as I do.

3. Failure:  I’m the kind of person who tries to impress or make those happy with the choices I make when I don’t have to.  I’m always trying to, in a sense, prove myself to my family that what I want to do is serious- I’m not playing any games when it comes to my future.  I’m a dreamer in an ocean of realists; dreamers and realists don’t exactly see eye to eye.  I’m terrified that one day I’ll be crying to my parents in an emotional breakdown, saying that I should have never gone after theatre in the first place.  I wasted four years of my life studying a field that apparently I wasn’t cut out for.  I never want that to happen, I don’t want to tell my parents they were right about my major and career choices.  I never have to prove anything to my parents since they both know and I know, it’s my life.  I’ve just always wanted my parents to have a daughter they can be proud of, a daughter that they would be happy to mention to friends and family that she’s going after a career in professional theatre.  A daughter they can support through all the ups and all the downs.  Reality is, my parents are not on board with me going after my desire, they think I’m crazy to be blunt.  I’m on this ride completely alone. I’m scared I’ll end up no where, letting down my family in the worst possible way; a failed actress, a disappointment… a failure.

Sometimes you need to be vulnerable, let down the wall that shows nothing is right in the world.  98% of the time I’m in a generally good mood, I don’t release negative feelings or thoughts out to anyone.  I rarely show how vulnerable I really am to anyone.  Writing here is my only outlet to let these feelings because 100% of the time they just so happen to relate to theatre.  I write, no one says anything and I get whatever is on my chest out in the open without judgement.  That’s all I want.

“Fear is the thief of dreams.” -Brain Krans

Zoe